My Wife Has Cancer *

* This is a fictional account drawn from multiple stories.

My wife has cancer. Karen was diagnosed recently with colon cancer. I knew something was wrong for a while; I was trying to tell myself it wasn't the worst. Karen was having stomach cramps and problems with her bowels for almost two years. I was afraid to ask if it was cancer. Now that I know what it is, I have never been so scared.

She should have talked to the doctor sooner

Damn her, why didn't she tell her doctor about this before? Every time I asked her about it, she said she had been feeling better the last few days and forgot to ask her doctor about it. What was she thinking? Still, I can't be mad at her. Nobody wishes for cancer. Everybody thinks they will never get it. It's no one's fault. But how the heck can it be that my wife has cancer?!

My mother died of breast cancer and it devastated me. My mother was my closest friend. She was the one who introduced me to Karen. Everything I have and everything I am is because of her. I still have a hard time on Mother's Day, even though her passing was almost seven years ago.

My Dad didn't handle this very well, I'll be better

I watched my father stumble and do all the wrong things during my mother's cancer. He never went to the doctor with her or did housework for her. Even when she was thin and weak from chemotherapy, he let the house fall apart. When mom came home to spend her last days with the family, I was the one who cleaned up the mess.

I don't want you to get the wrong idea about my father. He was a good man and a good provider, but he just had no idea how to respond to my mother's cancer. A buddy tried to explain that it is very hard when you have a dying spouse. I'll do everything I can to avoid that ever happening with Karen.

As God is my witness, I won't make the same mistakes with Karen. No matter what happens, I will stay by her side through every step. I will take care of the house for my sick wife. I won't cry in front of her no matter how scared I am, because I know she is already terrified. I won't make it worse.

Karen couldn't even tell me what was wrong

When Karen came home, she couldn't even tell me what was wrong. I saw the lab orders in her hand and recognized similar tests Mom had before her chemotherapy. She didn't have to tell me. Two years of stomach problems and that look on her face. I knew.

I didn't ask any questions. I just put Karen in the car and took her to the clinic for her blood work. She is in the room getting her blood drawn now. I can't imagine what she is feeling. This wait is killing me.

We'll get through this together, I love her so much

I have to figure out how we are going to tell our daughter, Janie. She and Karen are very close. I wonder if Janie can bring the grandkids out to cheer Karen up. But who am I kidding? How do you cheer someone up who has just found out they might die?

I can't do this all by myself. I'm beginning to understand why my Dad didn't even try. It's just too much to bear that my wife has cancer. What can I do in the face of cancer?

Written by Jessica Bosari - 4/28/09

* This is a fictional account drawn from multiple stories.

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