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Losing a spouse - woman comforted after losing husband to colon cancer

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Losing A Spouse

Losing a spouse is one of the most painful experiences in life. There are so many mixed emotions about the passing. Sometimes you're left with many unanswered questions. Your mind goes through so many what if's and what you could have done or said differently. But the truth is - there is nothing that prepares you for that final goodbye. It just grips you in your gut so hard; you feel so betrayed by life itself.

Part of the healing process is to acknowledge that life is much bigger than us. There are things that we just cannot control. You need to view life and death as part of a natural cycle that will happen eventually to all of us. It is hard to think this way, but try to embrace the change and try to focus on the good memories that your loved one has left you.

Here are methods to help get through it

It is very important that family comes together to grieve. Losing a spouse can sometimes make a family stronger. Communication with family members is vital so that everyone can speak about their own experience.

If there is a communication problem within the family, get a trusted, respected person such as a therapist to help facilitate the discussion. A death in the family is among the worst of all traumas. Please consider getting professional help for yourself. It also helps to keep a diary of your feelings.

  • It is not bad to continue doing the things you enjoy doing, that give your mind a rest from the countless emotions you're going through.
  • Keep to your normal schedule and go out with friends or engage in your favorite hobby.
  • This will reduce the shock of not having your loved one there.
  • Your mind will get used to new things and people.

Restart your life with other supportive people

Ask a friend to help you get out of the house and do more things with you.

Don't neglect your health. Continue having healthy meals and exercising regularly.

Spend time with friends who support you. If there are children and other family members, pour your energy into making sure they are happy.

"Ask a friend to help you get out of the house and do more things with you."

Picking up the pieces of life takes courage

A large part of you will find it hard to move on with your life losing your spouse. Learning to move on with your feelings is difficult. It requires courage to look at what the reality means for you, at how you can move forward reasonably intact.

Put off making big decisions until you are calmer. Losing a loved one can derail you and leave you feeling lost at times. So, just hang in there. We have been there and promise you these terrible times will change. Your life will come back.

Written by Zola Ndimande - 4/25/09

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